Deliverance
by FusseKat
Summary: Bobby's still on suspension and after a rough afternoon alone, Bobby decides to join Lewis and a few friends at a neighborhood bar. Sequel to "Tired".
1. Down At Hanrattie's

I don't own the rights to anything or anybody. But I'm indebted to those that do...in this case, Dick Wolf, NBCUni, USA and whoever else.

_Hanratty's is a real place in New York City, it's an upscale restaurant... Hanrattie's is a fictional neighborhood bar somewhere in New York City..._

Takes up where "Tired" left off. But can stand alone.

* * *

Down at Hanrattie's Pub

Bobby pulled open the door to Hanrattie's and several of his senses were assaulted simultaneously. Surprisingly, he welcomed the onslaught.

Sight – The bar was full with a smoky haze floating above the crowd, a mixture of fog machine and cigarette smoke. In the front of the bar the lights were bright, the liquor was flowing, everyone looking to have a little fun. The lighting dimmed around the dance floor and band in the back for those who had made at least a superficial connection in the front of the bar.

Smell - The smells were overpowering. And layered one upon the other. There was women's perfume, men's cologne, alcohol, stale sweat and cigarette smoke. Obviously, someone had missed the memo about the smoking ban in bars and restaurants. Standing in the doorway, Bobby paused and inhaled deeply.

Hearing – The pounding bass and the muddled undistinguishable lyrics of a cover band playing Van Halen's _"Running with the Devil"._ Bobby chuckled as he was struck by the irony, since he was feeling as if was just barely "Out_Running the Devil_". Voices shouting to be heard, and laughter, all types of laughter – a woman's shrill laugh, frat boy, back-slapping male laughter, hysterical out of control drunken laughter. People having fun, it made him smile. It felt foreign and strange, and yet familiar. He did remember it.

Two guys came up behind him and one of them asked, "Are you going in or coming out or what, buddy?"

The other rushed past him as he pushed Bobby aside, "Make a hole, we're coming through."

Bobby muttered, "Sorry." But neither men heard him above the noise of the bar.

"Bobby! Bobby! Over here!" He saw Lewis waving and making his way over. The slightly goofy grin on Lewis' face was almost enough to get Bobby laughing.

"Bobby! I'm so glad you came." Lewis stumbled slightly and as Bobby reached out to lend a steadying hand, Lewis walked right into him and the much shorter man gripped Bobby in a back-slapping bear hug. "So glad you came."

Peeling his friend off him he laughed, "How much have you had to drink?"

"You hurt me. Obviously, not enough, not enough." Lewis led Bobby towards the back. "I'm still standing. I had to keep drinking or they were going to make us give up the table. The place is really jumping tonight. We couldn't leave until you got here, after I told you we were going to be here all night. You would'a been pi-i-ssed when you came down here and we weren't here."

"I'm glad you didn't give up on me showing up tonight."

"What? I can't hear you." Lewis made a motion to encompass all the activity around them.

Leaning down to shout into Lewis' ear he repeated, "I'm glad you didn't give up on me."

Bobby thought Lewis still didn't hear him right, because Lewis looked at him and said, "Never have. Never will."

As they made their way through the crowd, Bobby could see Gina, Lewis's long-time girlfriend sitting at a table with another couple. "Gina! Look… I got Bobby." Lewis adopted a deep baritone, "Bobby G's in the house!"

Gina's smile lit up her face. She stood and came forward and grabbed both his hands. "Aw, geez, Bobby. You look like hell. But it still good to see you."

Embarrassed, Bobby shuffled his feet, "You on the other hand, look great. Just great."

Gina blushed. Bobby's compliments had always affected her that way. She often wondered if she'd met Bobby before she met Lewis... She hid her embarrassment and turn of her thoughts by dragging him the rest of the way to the table to introduce him to the couple sitting there.

"Everyone who didn't already hear, this is Bobby Goren."

Two girls sitting at the table behind them shouted out in singsong voices. "Hi - ya, Bob - by!" Drawing out the syllables and breaking out laughing. Gina turned to them and shot them with a warning glare that flashed a warning, _Not tonight girls. _

One of them muttered, "Whatever…" as she picked up her drink.

Bobby this is, Cheryl Marten and this is… Mark." She distractedly waved her hand at Mark.

"Hi Bobby". Cheryl said as she smiled up at him.

"Bobby". Mark stood and offered his hand.

"And over here," Gina continued as she turned them to the table on the left, "are Matt and Keri, Donna and Steve, you guys have already met." Matt and Steve raised their beer mugs in salute as Keri smiled and Donna said, "It's been a long time Bobby."

"Yeah, it has been, hasn't it?" Bobby said as gave a small embarrassed wave to the group.

"Come sit with us, Bobby. Hey honey, maybe you should go get us another pitcher of beer, that waitress hasn't been back to check on us in a long time."

Bobby reached for his wallet, but Lewis shook his head. "I got it. Another pitcher of beer…" he looked over at the other table, "… two pitchers of beer coming up."

Steve stood and yelled after Lewis, "Hold up, man. I'll help you."

"You, need to come sit down over here. I need your help getting Cheryl out of a little jam. Mark's attached himself to her and we can't get rid of him." Gina pushed Bobby down into Lewis' chair. "Lewis can find another chair when he gets back."


	2. The Set Up

THE SET-UP

Bobby found himself plopped down between Mark and Gina, looking across the table at Cheryl. Cheryl didn't look like she needed his help. She looked to be having a pleasant conversation with Mark. .

Gina leaned over and whispered, "He showed up about half an hour ago and has gone from standing next to the table chatting her up to what you see now, sitting at our table, joining our party.

Bobby casually looked around the bar, but kept his attention focused on Mark and Cheryl. "She doesn't seem to mind."

Gina looked at Bobby and stared at him fixedly, "Bobby! You _really_ need to get out more." She shook her head. "You may be able to read a witness or a perp or whatever it is you do at work, but in straight up social situations, you suck."

"You're not the first person to point that out." _Where the hell was Lewis?_ He needed a drink. He leaned forward to reach around Gina and grabbed Lewis' half full mug of beer.

"I ... I bet… I bet I'm not." Gina stuttered as she watched Bobby stare into the amber liquid, watched as he hesitated, watched as he finally raised the glass to his lips and watched as he swallowed several large gulps.

"Look, ah, maybe when Lewis gets back you could kind of let Mark know it's time to go. We told him we were waiting for someone, and well, you're here now and you need the chair. You could stand to let Lewis have his chair back and, I don't know, politely suggest to Mark that he get lost.

"Politely suggest that he get lost… right." He wasn't yet regretting his decision to come down to the bar, but he thought he would be soon. He picked up the mug again and drained the last of its contents.

The band started warming up, playing an old song he remembered, "_Oh God,_" he thought, "_Lady in Red_", that brought back memories of easier days. Mark leaned over, _Oh here it comes…_ He saw her smile and nod _yes_. Then she was standing and following Mark as he led her out to the dance floor.

As Mark held her hand and pushed his way through the crowd, she turned and caught him watching her.

Several songs later, the two returned to the table as Lewis was pouring another round. When Lewis came back, Gina had given him the task of getting rid of Mark, Bobby was just supposed to sit there and look intimidating. Bobby was now sitting in the chair that Mark had been sitting in earlier.

Cheryl quickly sat down in her chair. Bobby noticed that Gina flashed the A-OK signal with her fingers as she reached for her drink.

"Um, Mark. Sorry, but it doesn't look like there are any empty chairs, dude." Lewis stood and appeared to be looking around for a chair in the crowded bar as he walked around the table and put his arm around Mark's shoulders to steer him away. "And you see, well, we were waiting for Bobby… Gina kinda set this whole thing up as, well, as a..." Lewis lowered his voice, "blind date for Cheryl and…" Lewis relished resuming his "wing man duties" – from back in the day, looking out for his buddy – when he and Bobby spent their days and nights in search of hot cars and hotter girls.

"And … and what? Him? You've gotta be kiddin' me."

Bobby thought what Mark really meant was,_ "No way. This guy looks like he's gone down the rabbit hole."_

"No, no… how 'bout we ask Cheryl what she wants." He turned to Cheryl and leaned down, blocking Bobby's view and whispered, "Look, I can get you out of this. We can get some dinner at the restaurant upstairs and…"

Cheryl shook her head, and pleaded helplessness, "I … I can't. Gina went to all this trouble and …" _Does a house have to fall on the guy before he gets it? _

"Now, you're kidding me, right? Look…"

Cheryl shook her head again and offered him an apologetic smile, "I'm sorry. I can't leave Gina hanging." _Yes, it was going to take a house falling on him._

Mark straightened and nodded, his jaw muscle working. He looked down at Bobby who had set his beer mug down and was looking up to meet his gaze. The stare down didn't last long, Bobby knew what Mark saw in his eyes, something dark and…empty. He saw Mark break, just before he averted his gaze. _Touch down. The house has landed._

Bobby thought that if this had really been a set up, he'd be beating up on himself pretty good right about now. He looked over at Gina out of the corner of his eye. _It __wasn't__ a set up… was it?_

Mark pulled out a business card and handed it to Cheryl saying, "If this doesn't work out, you give me a call."

"Thank you Mark. I… I will." She took his card and made sure he saw her put it in her purse. She smiled up at him as she said, "Good night Mark. It was nice to meet you." _Finally._

As they all turned to watch him stalk off into the crowd, Cheryl breathed a sigh of relief as she said, "Ohmigod, I thought he was going to hang around all night." She reached out and put her hand on Bobby's arm, "Thank you for showing up when you did. If you could have gotten here about an hour ago, but better late than never …"

"Glad I could help." Bobby smirked. As he glanced down at her hand on his arm, she slowly lifted it and picked up her glass.

"umm…" she felt her face flush, "… at least my whole night isn't ruined."

Steve shouted out a question to Bobby and he got up and went over to his table for a minute saying, "... right back."

Cheryl grabbed Gina's arm and pulled her close enough to whisper in her ear. "Please tell me you weren't trying to set me up with your friend Bobby." That would be an added complication.

Gina grinned. "I wasn't even sure Bobby was going to show up. No, it's not a set up, but…

"Don't say it Gina. Please, don't even wish say it."

_Bobby heard every word they said._


	3. Observation

OBSERVATION

Cheryl spent the rest of the night watching Bobby. At some point during the evening, they had separated into a girl's table and a guy's table. This allowed her to watch him from a short distance away, hopefully avoiding detection. Gina and Donna took the opportunity to fill her in on some of Bobby's recent problems. Most of which she had already learned through her research.

Having done her research, she was able to put that thousand-yard stare of his in context. Several times she noticed he clicked off, checked out - becoming incredibly still and unconnected from what was going on around him. She saw it everyday in the faces of so many at the hospital. She envisioned what his intake chart would look like with it's buzz words: "Combat stress reaction?? precursor to (?) or symptom of (?) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder" "Borderline behavior" "Possible psychosis(?)".

Even though she was watching him, she didn't realize she was staring at him until she felt his eyes on her. So much for hope. Embarrassed at getting caught, she smirked and rolled her eyes as she waved at him.

He nodded and smirked back at her.

_Well_, she thought, _there's at least an ember smoldering inside, somewhere._

She noticed the bar starting to empty out, looking at her watch, she saw it was 1:45. She sighed as she realized it was only a few hours until her shift started. She kicked herself for not leaving when Matt and Keri left an hour ago.

She grabbed her bag and leaned forward; interrupting the conversation Donna and Gina were engrossed in. "Hey, guys, I've got to get going. I have to work tomorrow and I need to get a little sleep."

She stood up, as did Gina and Donna. They hugged good night, and Gina promised to call her tomorrow about getting together sometime next week.

She walked over to the table where the guys were sitting and laid her hands on Lewis' shoulders. "Guys, I'm heading out. I just wanted to say good night. Steve, it was nice to meet you. Bobby, thanks for the rescue, let me know if I can return the favor sometime…"

Both men smiled as they looked up at her and tangled their muttered 'good nights' into a barely deciperable syllables.

She leaned down and gave Lewis a kiss on his cheek. "And you mister, Gina says we're getting together sometime next week, so I'll see you soon."

Gina and Donna followed her over and Gina said, "We should all probably be going… What do you say, babe, you ready to go home?"

Lewis chugged the last of his beer as he nodded. "Yeah, I'm ready.' Lewis dropped his arm across Gina's shoulders as they walked out.

"Too long man, it's been too long. I'm not going to let you pull that shit an-ny-more." Lewis was poking Bobby in his bicep.

"I know you won't. I think I might need your help with that for a while." Bobby admitted as he stood awkwardly, hands jammed deep in the pockets of his jeans.

"Whatever you need Bobby. Whatever you need, whenever, remember that, man. I'm serious, you call me. We'll hang... like the old days."

"Like the old days." Bobby agreed.

Gina tightened her grip on Lewis' waist. His words had come out a little slurred and she realized she was going to have to drive home. She shook her head as she and Bobby exchanged knowing grins.

By now, the small group was standing outside. Steve and Gina waved good night as dodged traffic,running across the street. Lewis escaped Gina's grip and lunged at Bobby wrapping up the much larger man in his arms, a drunken parody of the hug he'd given him when they met up earlier tonight.

Bobby shook his head, "I know man. It's okay. It's going to be okay."

"Come on Lewis, let's get you home." Gina pulled at him, freeing Bobby.

Bobby asked, "You're driving, right Gina?"

Gina nodded as she rolled her eyes. "Yeah, Bobby we're fine. But, you'll see that Cheryl gets to her car?"

Bobby nodded.

Cheryl stood off to the side, observing the scene, as she had since Bobby walked into the bar.

As Gina led him away, Lewis spun out of her grasp and yelled back. "You're my brother, man. Don't you forget that…BROTHERS!"


	4. SOS Rescue You Rescue Me

SOS _(Rescue You... Rescue Me)_

Bobby and Cheryl stood looking at each other for a minute, before Cheryl said, "Ah, my car is just down at the corner."

Bobby nodded and fell in step with her, 'Great, my car's down that way, too."

Cheryl snuck a sidelong glance at him before saying, "I meant what I said earlier. About rescuing me."

"Which part? About me rescuing you? Or you returning the favor sometime?" Bobby was tired. Tired of playing along with things, he'd done that all night long. Now it was time for him to get some answers of his own.

"Um, I don't…"

"Don't… What?" Bobby had stopped, tilted his head to look down and over at her. "Since you seem to be unable to ask what you've obviously wanted to ask all night, let me ask you something. What's going on here? What's your deal? You've been staring at me - clinically - all night. You got something you want to ask me, go for it..." He flung his arms out, leaving himself wide open, vulnerable and ready to take the hit. Bobby's frustration and anger had been building ever since he'd heard the derision in Mark's voice when he asked Lewis, "_And … and what? Him? You've gotta be kiddin' me._"

She looked away and exhaled as she pressed her lips together before turning to look back at him.

"Go ahead. It's okay. Ask. **_ASK __ME!_**" He didn't shout, but he saw her flinch at the harshness of his tone. He backed away and raised his hands in surrender.

She shook her head and said, "I think you already know what I want to ask you. I'm... I'm sure you're very formidible with a suspect, when... you bring your A-game."

He shook his head, hands balled up in his front pockets. "Ask me..." It sounded like a dare.

Seeing no other way out, she blurted out her question,. "Are you seeing anyone?"

Bobby stared at her, nonplused. _That's not what I thought she was going to ask._

Seeing the look of surprise flicker across his face, she realized what she'd just said, how it sounded. Nervously, she added, "I meant professionally. A counselor? A therapist?"

Bobby looked off up and down the empty street. After more than a minute of silence, when she gave up hope he was going to answer, finally he said, "Yeah, I have some mandatory sessions with a department shrink. To determine my fitness for duty."

"Hmm... hmm." She nodded. "How many of those sessions have you missed? My bet is, quite a few. Keep that up and they'll never find you fit for duty'.

"What is this, some sad, pathetic bargain basement intervention? For the poor guy who has no family, has no friends, a stranger to point out the error of my ways?"

She stared back at him before quietly asking, "Do you need an intervention?

When he didn't answer, she added, "From what I saw tonight. You have friends. I don't know about family, but friends, well they're the 'family' we choose. They can be more much... more important than the family we were born into."

"Why? Why are you doing this? You don't know me?"

She looked down at the handbag she was bouncing off her thigh.

"Why?" Bobby demanded.

_Shit, I blew it, I'm going to have to tell him everything. _She closed her eyes, muttered, "_dammit_" as she rummaged around in her bag and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. "Want one?" They had reached her car, she stopped walking and tossed the bag onto the roof of her car.

When he just stared at her mutely, she said, "I know, it's a vile, disgusting habit. I gave it up years ago. But every once in a while…" Hoping to dispel some of the tension, she asked, "How do you think Hanrattie's gets away with letting people smoke in there?"

"No one's turned them in yet. Some day soon, someone will." As she offered him the pack, he shook his head, but he took one anyway. She handed him her lighter as she took her first deep drag from the cigarette.

She slumped against the side of her car and waited. He did the same. They smoked and waited. Each waiting for the other to speak first.

Finally, taking the lead again, Bobby said, "All right, now tell me why."

"I ... I knew about you before tonight. About Tates. About what happened there." She turned to see him staring down at his shoes, and he was nodding his head.

"I knew someone who was in Tates. Almost four years ago, he was sentenced to eighteen months. He did twenty-two days. Twen-ty two days before..." Her voice broke and she fiercely shook her head.

She turned to look at Bobby. "I didn't help him. I couldn't help him. I didn't know, how... how could I?"

"So this is all about your guilt?"

She again attempted to diffuse the high emotions, "It can't always be about you can it?" She shook her head, "Sorry... All about my guilt? No, no I think there's plenty of that to go around, but it's not mine. Everything that happened is so wrong, I just want to see it made right."

Bobby took a deep drag on the cigarette and inhaled the smoke deep into his lungs. _God, I miss this._

"I work at the VA Med Center downtown and I … I know a lot of good people. You... you wouldn't have to be a vet to see someone, several of them take on private clients... It might be easier to get through this without worrying that something you say is going to make it back to the department… to be part of your permanent record or what... ever..." She faltered as she saw his angry stare.

"But this isn't an intervention, right?"

"NO, it isn't, it's an offer of help. There's nothing wrong with it and nothing shameful. It's not a sign of weakness or... or whatever you're thinking it might be. I don't think you're in denial. I think you are very well aware of what's going on with you and where you are, and, and…" She brushed a tear away and stared at him defiantly.

She looked away and said, "I would have helped him if I'd known. I would have…"

For the second time tonight, he looked up and let everything fall away from him. The lights of the city were so bright he could barely see the stars, but he knew they were up there.

Bobby's voice was quiet, subdued as he asked, "Who was he?"


	5. Salvation

SALVATION

"My husband, Stephen."

"What did he do to wind up in prison? Up at Tates?"

"He moved upstate, about a year before, to get away from the city, away from me, away from temptation. It … it didn't seem to work out for him though. One night he got so desperate for a fix, he …" she saw the question in his eyes and added, "coke."

"…he walked into a Speed-i-Mart and robbed it. He walked out with 85 bucks and a 3-year sentence, a sentence that was reduced to eighteen months when he agreed to participate in the drug rehab program at the prison, with the counseling, and methadone – all of it."

"The, the last time I saw him was right before he was transferred to Tates. He was very hopeful, but it wasn't the first time he'd promised to quit and stay clean. I told him that I hoped it worked for him, but that I didn't believe it. I wasn't going to get my hopes up, again. But as part of the rehab program, no visitors were allowed for the first thirty days." Her voice broke as she said, "I never saw or spoke to him again."

She lit another cigarette. Bobby watched her and waited.

"I was told the cause of death was a heart attack, brought on by his prolonged drug use and his overall weakened physical condition." She sighed again, "It… it always bothered me, I… he never had any health problems before, drug related or…" She stopped and smiled as a memory came back to her, "I used to get so pissed at him, in the ten years we were together he never had so much as a cold," she shook her head in disbelief, "but I accepted what they told me. I thought that the cumulative effects must have…"

"When I read about the investigation, about what you had discovered, and how much actual documentation the IG's investigation found, I petitioned to get his complete file from Tates. If the records are accurate, and I can only assume they are, they don't paint a very pretty picture of what happened. Stephen spent eighteen days, eighteen of those twenty-two days, in the isolation unit. He never received any of his meds, nothing to help with the withdrawal symptoms, he never participated in any counseling sessions and as far as I can tell not even any prison orientation. They simply threw him in a cell and walked away."

Bobby felt his skin crawl and break out in gooseflesh as he was overwhelmed with images, real and imagined of his time on the same isolation unit. Especially of his time spent in 'heaven' – the bright light of the fluorescent fixture overhead, seen even through this closed eyelids, beaconing him, drawing him up out of himself as if he were being drawn to … heaven. The dry heat rolling in waves across the room, searing his soul, clouding his thoughts. Save for one thought, one dreadful thought. In a moment of startling clarity – he realized this is what schizophrenia felt like.

In the dim light cast by the street lamp and flashing neon sign proclaiming, "Girls! Girls! Girls!" she felt the tumult of emotions rolling off him. She saw his shudder, she saw the track left by his tears. She heard his sigh as he raised his hands and repeatedly rubbed his face trying to erase the memories.

Slowly she reached out and placed a hand on his arm, much as she had earlier tonight. Drawing his arm to her side, she slid her hand into his.

He grasped at it frantically, to keep him rooted in the present, to keep him from disappearing into the darkness. Minutes passed.

With another shuddering sigh, he raised his gaze skyward again. The stars seemed brighter than they had minutes before and their twinkling light shown down on them. He drew in a deep breath, another and then another feeling the night air cool his feverish thoughts.

Cheryl looked up at him and sensed a change in him, small and uneasy, but a change.

"Bobby, I … I can be your friend. I'd like to try."

Bobby looked down at her.

_Inside, somewhere a smoldering ember, sparked and gleamed brighter. Hope re-ignited._


End file.
